Wait, Where Am I?

posted in: Evolving | 0

How often am I in the moment?

Yet again I find myself somewhere else while a swirling soup of conversation surrounds me. Others are laughing together. What was said? I was busy in my own world. Again.

What’s more, I cannot tear myself away from my world to connect (or WANT to connect) with what’s going on in my immediate vicinity.

I LIKE my internal world.

And it’s not just me with my thoughts.

It might be me immersed in my work. Engrossed.

It might be me texting on my phone, deeply engaged with the person/people on the other end.

Whatever it is, I am not a multi-tasker, so what engages me ENGULFS me. A tractor beam has got me so completely that I find it all but impossible to disconnect from it in order to tend to those around me. It’s not because I have any aversion to connecting with those people. Most often this happens to me while I’m at work, and I’m lucky to have fantastic colleagues (who, I might add, are very understanding of my unintentional aloofness).

I suppose it’s not entirely accurate to say that I don’t live in the moment. My NOW is just localized elsewhere. My concentration is so focused that often I won’t see or hear what’s around me until my name is called repeatedly. Suzy tells me that I’m “listening with my ass” (a lovely Turkish idiom).

There are exceptions to this behavior of mine, but I’m sure I frustrate many people with this tendency. Since I enjoy my internal world, it’s a hard habit to cut.

Those who can easily cut through my spellbound state are those who make me laugh or who challenge my intellect. Most others, however, will eventually see that blank stare sooner or later…

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